Friday, December 15, 2006 

Dialouge Part I

"I tried to tell you a thousand times earlier, but you never listened to me . Now before it's too late to turn back I am asking you one more time : Are you still going to do what you alone feel the best ?"

"Look at you see a looser here? No way I'm giving up all that I've worked so hard for. I know it's going to work...have faith on me"

"You still don't's not a question of my faith. It's all about the how you are way-way blinded to see the truth. You can try to turn your back from reality but sooner or later you'll realise that yourself. But by then it'll be too late to repent."

"Not this time sweet-heart...not this time. This time I'm a much wiser man who has learnt to grow from his mistakes. This is going to be my biggest ever and let me tell you one more'd be the first one to congratulate me"

"I knew talking to you would be a waste of time...I should've listen to my family long time back. It's better for both of us that I just leave you alone with your ideas. May be that'll make both of us happy."

"Huh, are you threatening to leave me ?"

"It's no more a threat, I have decided that I have had a lot. Can't take it anymore....look at us...look at our's getting crazier day by day. And the reason for that is only YOU"

"What do you mean that's it's because of ME ? I'm not the one that's complaining...but YOU ARE. It's YOU who's having all the problems...and that's because you don't know how to adjust. And on top of that you expect me to be the ONE TO ADJUST.

"Oh that's what you think ? You think I'm not the one who's adjusting. All this time I've been adjusting every minute, every second to all your whims and fancies. For once I tell you to do things my way and here's how you react. Why is it always have to be your way ? "

"When was it my way ? It's always about you...even now we are fighting only because things are not going to happen in your way. "

"There's no point in fighting with you. You're so full of yourself. I'm leaving this very moment. It's over...understand..IT'S OVER. BYE"

"Hah OVER!! Leave if you have to...I'm not forcing you to stay back but don't even think of coming back. Even I've had enough"

"Did you just say that you've had enough? So all these years you were just pretending ? All those feelings we shared never meant anything to you. How can you be so insensitive ? If you could not stay with me anymore, atleast we should break up on good terms. Is that too much to ask ?"

"Did I ever say that I don't want to stay with you ? I never said anything about leaving...YOU did. If you think that my love for you is only pretending, then so be it. It's good that you made me realise that I was wrong. Thanks a lot for that and wish you all the best. BYE"

"So you wouldn't even stop me !!"

"Even if I ask, would you stay back ? You've already made up your mind..."

"Atleast you could try asking me ..."

"Really...if I ask you now, would you stay back ?"

"You really want me to stay back ? You said you've had enough"

"Even you said that too...infact I said that because you said that earlier. How can I ever have enough of are always so much different. Even after two-three life-times I can never have enough of you. I love you more than you can think of."

"Excuse me...I've heard that before. You said those same words the day you proposed me. Do you still love me so much as you did then ?"

"Don't you feel that yourself ? Take a look at me and tell me what you feel ?"

"Hmm...I feel that you are the most stubborn fool in the world and I'm a bigger fool to love you so much. Why do you love me so much ?"

"Because I'm the most stubborn fool in the world and you are a bigger fool...."

Wednesday, December 13, 2006 

A journey backwards

Running opposite to the finishing line is treated as an unwise decision. Swimming against the current is treated as display of courage. When he walked away from the lucrative offers, he wondered which one of the two possibilities applied for him. Whether he was an idiot who fails to read the writings on the wall or someone whose boosted self-confidence dares to be different.

His travels in reverse gear ate up more fuel than what would've been spent on moving in forward direction. Consequently expensive refueling was frequent affair. He had to be more cautious in planning his limited resources. Interpreting his cautious moves as first signs of failure , his well-wishers and critics both told him the same thing in different ways. They said that the finishing line is a well defined goal and rejecting that to drive towards uncertainty would only burn him up.

As he struggled against the current, he saw friends getting propelled effortlessly by the flow. Once or twice they waved at him before moving ahead. Busy fighting with the current, he had little choice but to ignore them. They labeled him as the arrogant fellow who lacks the basic social skills and abandoned him.

The lone struggler solaced himself at the thought that flowing with the current will take them all to the same destination -- To be lost in the seas eventually. But his trail will stop only at the source of the river, atop the high mountains. There it might be lonely, but the attaining that height is all worth the painful journey.

Right now he continues to struggle across the steep terrains from where the glowing peaks are no longer hazy shadows. Will he make it to there?

Friday, December 08, 2006 

A Half-Baked Post

The droplets of water sliding down the glass pane tell me that there had been a shower, while I was sleeping and dreaming of the rains. Did I sleep so deep that I failed to hear the downpour? My head is feeling so heavy, just like it does after a night of endless drinking. But last night I didn't go anywhere...didn't touch a drop of alcohol. After a day of heavy work at the office, I came back straight to my house, ate my solitary dinner and went to sleep after having a coffee and a cigarette.

But where's that coffee cup, I distinctly remember putting it on the bedside table ? It's not there anymore. May be woke up in the middle of the night and must've kept it back in the kitchen. Not willing to waste anymore time on a stale cup, I look for my cigarette pack. It is also missing from where I always keep it - the drawer in the bedside table. I had kept it myself there the very last night. Even the accompanying lighter is not there. A bit angry and a bit confused I jump out of the bed, and take a look around.

Everything seems the same...untouched in the same state that I saw before going to bed. Must've left the cigarette and lighter in kitchen I think when I went to keep the cup. I open the bed-room door and look at the hall. All's as they should be....but my head still feels very heavy. Must be the take-away dinner last night that had done the damage. Thinking a gulp of cold water might do the trick, I walk down the hallway and reach the kitchen.

A great relief comes to see the kitchen in the same messy state that I normally leave it, before compelled to clean when someone else pays a visit. While I pour the whole bottle of water down my throat I'm startled once again to find that last night's plate is missing too from the sink where it was dumped post-dinner. Baffled, all I did was letting out a loud mouthed, "Shit...what did I do last night?" All that I remembered was that I had the dinner, the coffee and the smoke in that perfect order and then went to sleep between the sheets.

Then I take a look at the clothes I am wearing...they're totally different from what I put on last night before hitting the bed. When did I change them? With a wave of panic gushing over my failing memory, I try to check for the evidence of any other human being whose presence here last night might do the explanation bit. My short-lived detective experience meets a dead end.

The wardrobe is left intact - un-ironed clothes tucked into bundles, ironed clothes lying gloriously waiting to be picked up and worn. The wallet lies folded beside the changes neatly arranged in heaps. Even the few valuable earthly goodies like the TV set,laptop,iPod in my possesion stand untouched in the same manner as my other invaluables like the heap of used under-garments dumped around the corner. After ensuring that there is no one hiding under the bed, I just felt like laughing at my paranoid behavior.

But my smile turns to a frown as soon as I step out in the hallway again. This time I can see a piece of my coffee cup, now broken peeking from under the sofa. The heavy feeling inside my head feels even heavier as I kneel down to check. I find my cigarette packet emptied and lying next to the lighter under the sofa along with the broken cup. Since a broken cup and empty cigarette pack are of no use, I try to pick up the lighter which still has some usefulness left.

Surprisingly it feels hot as if it had been put off just now after lit for several minutes. Even though the heat was bearable the uncanniness compels me to throw the lighter away hastily .It hits the floor with a dull thud and the lighter lights up automatically just like that. Very soon there are short flames shooting up from floor below.

I try to extinguish the fire by stamping my feet in vain....the flames keeps on leaping. I rush towards the kitchen to get water....the tap dries out. I look for anything and everything that can be used to put off the fire. Suddenly the whole house seems so empty. I take out my tee-shirt and beat over the jumping flames only to watch hopelessly the apparel getting engulfed in the spreading flames. I drop it down just seconds before the fire could pull my hand.

My head is weighing about a ton now. I am barely able to lift my chin up while struggling to breathe in the thick smoke that is filling up the room quickly. Deciding to desert my burning house I make a dash towards the doors. I yell out loud as my hands burn trying to pull out the heated door-knob. Even with all my strength the door doesn't even open an inch. Glimpses of what happened last night comes back just like jumping frames on a movie screen. While the flashback images freeze inside my frozen mind, the door finally pulls out and I jump out in the open.

As I feel the sunlight in my eyes, I wake up on my bed. The stained coffee cup stands quietly as a detained student on the table - guilt-laden but intact. Inside the drawer lies the cigarette pack and the lighter just like I left them last night. I look at me to see that I'm wearing the same clothes that I went to sleep in. Satisfied with the restored sanity, I pull over the sheets and go back to sleep, back to my dreams.
The droplets of water sliding down the glass pane tell me that there had been a shower, while I was sleeping and dreaming of the fires.